Siblingage.

"Our relation is our demise, I have come to see that we will never be.
Life has counted us out, we have both moved on.
Moving forward through life, as if neither has existed.
What we aspire to be, is only a dream."

When you think about your relationship with family, it should not feel so afflictive. The day I can feel like I have a sister again, will be the day I feel complete. I have gone through majority of my life without my father, 2 of my (living) grandparents, and my sister. I was hurt, I put it past me and tried to refuel my relationship with my sister. I feel like everything is one-sided. I feel like nothing will ever be good between us. We fought as kids, and I felt that was just us being stubborn sisters. We apparently never grew out of it. We are on conflicting sides, and do not agree on a single thing. We have nothing in common, except our mother and last name, which shall change in 6 months. In 6 months, I will have nothing more than our mother as a thread to hold on to with my sister. She blatently reveals her disconcern with "most things Ashley". Having nowhere to run, without running into a wall, is aching to my heart. I figure I will use this as my outlet. With chance she will find it, and maybe see how I feel inside. Though she will likely be unhappy...she will know that I feel like we are lost at sea. I love her as much as I can possibly love a human being. It breaks my heart that I do not feel she loves me in return. I see the relationship between Ash and his brother, Tom. It is one to look up too. They are so close, as most of his family is. They enjoy spending time with eachother, regardless of the hour commute between the two. I also admire Jocelyn and her relationship with her siblings who range from 17 to 29. I know she and her sister bicker and argue at times, but they care about eachother and enjoy time together. My friend April as well. April's sisters and brothers range from age 18 to 28 (29 next month)...they all hang out and have a great time with eachother. My own sister even hangs out with her 1 year old step-sister more than me. I know I sound pathetic...but I just need to admit my hurt. I really do not want to feel this way. When I try to explain to my sister how I feel, she turns the page over and tries to make me feel bad/worse than I already do. She puts up a sheild, and will not allow me to express my feelings honestly. So then I hurt inside. Hiding behind that shield will only make matters worse. I feel that either she is ashamed to be my sister or her father probably gives her hell for talking to me. He cannot handle his own life properly, so he has to affect everyone around him. I know that he has come between us. I am not at fault for that though. He is the one who needs to gain some maturity and ethics. I do want to get into him though, he is not worth my thoughts. I keep him out of my as to keep my sanity :). I do not want her out of my life though, but on the other hand--I don't want to feel unappreciated. It is all so frustrating.

Ash and I will be going to his brother's house tonight to hang out with them. Jocelyn has been a great sister to me since I have met her. We fight..but we make up soon after we realize our stubborness. Jocelyn and I are both very sensitive people, and tend to get mad at eachothers insensitivity..which is bound to happen, but we get over it. I love her for always being there for me. Ash's cousins are also always here for me, I really appreciate their existance in my life.

Anyways...

We are going to the cottage with Ash's family this weekend, it should be fun! BBQ, Tent sleeping, and fires. Mmm...

Oh Happy Day...

So today I get news that I misspelled a word on a shirt. They proceeded to shoot the screen, setup the press, and run 61 of the shirts before any of them even noticed the misspelled word. First Mark got 2 calls, then I got lectured by the general manager, and the owner. I was told by the general manager that basically im gone with one more mistake and should probably start looking for a job. Funny thing is, I have barely made any mistakes on his end. So "whatev". I really despise working for this place. I get paid nothing, and have to deal with peoples unprofessional and chauvinistic attitudes. SO EFF THE PRINTING INDUSTRY. I want to be a teacher, or a secretary, or a baker. I don't want to slave for $11 an hour at a place where no one respects anyone. :) Oh happy day.

The weekend!

This past weekend we went camping for Ash's Birthday. We had a lot of fun despite the rain on Saturday. Friday night we (Ash, Tom, Ed, Joellen, and I)just hung out drinkin and eating by the fire...Saturday we woke up, made breakfast on the fire, then went for a few hikes, then we (Ash, Ed, Joellen, Steve, April, & I) drank and ate by a fire. We found some beautiful waterfalls and raging rapids. The whole area was very lush and green and had tons of photogenic qualities. It also made me realize its about time for my SLR. I need to start saving for one. I was interested in the Nikon D90, but not really sure what I want yet. I need something though..mine blows...good thing I am a graphic designer and can bump colors and stuff up. Saturday was Ash's 29th birthday, we sang happy birthday to him :) During the rainstorm, my cell phone was left in the rain-blows. It still works sorta, enough for now, til I decide on which one I want to upgrade to..
When I came home on Sunday-Buck was in a great happy mood, which was a relief. We played outside and inside. He played with Chloe too! He was such a lil happy man. :)

Here are a few photos from our trip!

If you're interested in the location of our camping trip, it is in Portersville, PA.
We camped at Breakneck Campground, it is right between McConnells Mills St. Park and Moraine St. Park...
Check out some more photos on my facebook!

Ooops..Thursday has passed.

Well I didnt post yesterday, but I was busy, so whatever.

So Buck went to the vet yesterday, and it gave us nothing but bad news. The vet is almost sure that all the episodes hes been having are related to him having a tumor. He has had a lump above his eye for awhile, which we thought was just infection...turns out he has too many symptoms of cancer to think any otherwise. The lump has spread to his nose, which is where the tumor is believed to have originated. He is having a very hard time breathing, and is restless. The vet said that it would be inoperable because of its locale. SO now He is now on Prednizone, in hopes the tumor will shrink, and make it easier for him to breathe. He is also on Cipro to try and kill any infection he may have. Despite being tired, will a swelled face, troubled breathing and a risky outcome; Buck is fairing very well. He was even playing with Chloe in the backyard yesterday. When I got home he followed me into my room wagging his tail. He just keeps fighting. We must be a really great family for him to want to stay alive so bad. Any other dog would have let go long ago...but Buck keeps chuggin' along. He has jumped many hurdles in the past few months. His 13th birthday is in 2 weeks--i hope he is well enough to celebrate :) He doesn't deserve any of this, he has always been such a wonderful dog. He is full of life and personality. We often have conversations (aka barkfests) back and forth. I am happy Chloe has such a great role model to learn from. She really loves him, and cares for him. So I guess we will just hope for the best and enjoy the time we have with eachother!

On a happier note: Ash's birthday is tomorrow (May 16) and we are going camping this weekend. We are going to Breakneck Campground in Portersville (i think thats where it is). I hope everything is great.

So I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Just a little in-sight

Chloe's VET appointment proved her to be quite a healthy (cautionable) puppy. She is on the caution list because a stranger was shoving needles in her, opening her mouth, and rectally taking her temp which resulted in a slight growl from her. Whatever. I know my baby shouldnt be cautioned. The whole reason I took her to the vet was 2 lumps in her groin/stomach area. I was worried that she had an infection from the non dissolving stitches that were supposed to have dissolved by now in her stomach. The vet too a needed to one of the lumps and pulled some "juice" out from it to look under a microscope. She put it on the slide, and immediately found that it was just fatty tissue. So Chloe has a couple fatty tumors which are harmless. As far as my brood of questioning, she assured me that Chloe was a healthy little girl. And her visit was only $60 so it was a relief to not have to pay hundreds of dollars.

Today has been a rather slow day. Ash & I are going to eat at this lil sports bar today-good foood :) They had freakin FIESTADAS on Cinco De Mayo.

I really don't have too much to talk about today. Here are some things that have occured:

I got a good laugh at a chauvinistic man...
I got a hearty laugh at a one-sided Republican comment.
I set up some shirts to be printed (all lame)
I ate a Santa Fe Turkey Wrap with yellow mustard , Super Sharp Cheddar, lettuce and tomato..
-and yes I made it.
I ate a bag of skittles, but left all of the orange, lemon, and lime in the bag (so i only ate red and purple)
I yawned
I had a bit of hiccups eaarlier for no reason that wouldnt go away


OK ENOUGH BORING INFORMATION!

-Ashley

I am not a good blogger.

Day one of rejuvenation. I feel that maybe if I say things out-loud in a blog, maybe I will not be burdened with the stress anymore. So here goes my new thing.

Wedding Plans (check out our site www.mywedding.com/ashleyandashley)
Since the last blog, not too much has gone on with wedding plans. We got our engagement photos done last weekend, it was very nice. Here is the link STUDIO BASH let me know what you think!! I almost have all the stuff for the centerpieces, I have to find some gems for inside of the bowls (at a cheap cost) and thats about it. I could use some mirrors, round ones, but I am gonna ask the hall if they have them for use!

Living arrangements
Still searching in the sea of homes for ours. We have been on a hiatus, for no real reason, just on a hiatus.

Life
Life is just about normal. I am not currently in any real trouble. I need new brakes on my car I think (it shakes when I step on the brake) but I doubt you really care. Chloe has to go to the vet later on today because she has 2 lumps in her groin. Hopefully they're just swollen lymph nodes and can cheap and easily be repaired. Ash and I have been playing a lot of Wii, which has been great. Maybe it will get rid of my arm fat. Jocelyn's almost due, I can't wait to meet our new nephew Braden Thomas!! Tyler is absolutely adorable and such a lovable nephew. Aunt and Uncle AAAA just love him so much. Buck is still hanging in there, he has been having respiratory problems, poor boy cant blow his nose! We are planning on going camping this weekend for Ash's 29th birthday! It is supposed to rain on Saturday, but we will just hope for the best! Cross those fingers!!!

Goal
To try and blog about something almost every day!

Have a great day everyone!!

Happiness depends upon ourselves.
Aristotle