So tired of trying.

So, I have been planning on going cosmic bowling for my birthday for some time now. Everyone was gonna go.. It was gonna be fun. But as it gets closer, some people back out, some people hint at it being a hassle. I am just tired of trying. I think this will be the first year I don't celebrate my birthday. Sad. My birthday is the only day of the year dedicated to "ME". My feelings are pretty hurt...and I may seem irrational...but wouldn't you? I try so hard for other peoples birthdays to make them special...and for nothing. Right now I feel like doing absolutely nothing.. It may come down to that. Everyone is now interested in going somewhere else. But its not what I wanted to do. So here I am sitting at work, all upset, and teary eyed. People have a way of making me feel like complete shit...so...ashley the nice is now going to be ashley the bitch. When peoples' birthdays come around, you better believe I will have other plans. I will also pretend I want to go, and then last minute start hinting at the fact that I don't want to go. I am so tired of it.